


chase the rain away

by 127ghouls



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Infidelity, M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, it's not that bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 17:35:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14836125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/127ghouls/pseuds/127ghouls
Summary: Taeyong is willing to keep Jaehyun no matter what, even if it means suffering alone.





	chase the rain away

**Author's Note:**

> Excuse errors, I'm not proofreading.

Taeyong remembers the feelings he drowned in when Jaehyun proposed to him one December night and the snow fell lightly on them, decorating Jaehyun’s fluffy hair. It was cold and despite wearing three layers of clothes, Taeyong shivered and Jaehyun’s nose was red. He remembers teasing the other about it and calling him Rudolf.

People walked here and there to drop by the souvenir and gift stores, hoping to find the appropriate presents. Taeyong remembers getting dragged to a particular pet store. It was already close that time considering it was past ten in the evening.

“What are we doing here?” He was utterly confused, of course. Was Jaehyun planning to buy him another puppy? Ruby is enough and he could barely spend time with the dog because of work.

“This is where we first met. Do you remember?” Jaehyun smiled and held Taeyong’s hand before giving it a gentle squeeze.

“How could I forget? You were the cutest boy back then and until now. I think it was love at first sight no matter how cheesy it sounds.”

Taeyong remembers Jaehyun staring into his eyes with so much fondness and adoration before the younger man got down on one knee and pulled out a small velvet box from the pocket of his trench coat.

“Jaehyun…”

The younger man only smiled as Taeyong began tearing up. Jaehyun talked about how enamored he was when he first met Taeyong at the pet store, where he got his pet bunny, Moochi. He talked about gathering his courage to ask Taeyong out on a date and falling in love with the older man. At last, he talked about wanting to spend the rest of his life with the other.

Taeyong remembers crying in front of a lot of people passing by, with some who stopped whatever they were doing just to watch the couple. He remembers saying _yes, I’ll marry you, Jaehyun_ before his then boyfriend slipped the ring on his finger.

The couple had to get married in another country that allows same sex marriage. Not all of their friends could come but their families were there to be their support and it was a wedding nothing short of lovely and emotional.

Taeyong remembers Jaehyun’s vow as if it was only spoken yesterday.

_I’ll be your hero when things get rough and I will stand by you through the calm and the storm, through thick and thin, day and night, and certainly through life and death. You are my life from now on, the light in my home, the air that I breathe, and you will never face anything alone for I will be by your side holding you in my arms. Your heart will be safe in my hands. Together we will make memories for keeps, build a family we will love for the rest of our lives. I will love you for as long as I can, longer than eternity. You can lean on me and I will be your shoulder to cry on. I will support you and be your strength. Let’s be strong, Taeyong. Let me love you until you can no longer get out of bed, until you can’t see clearly anymore, until your hair turns gray, and until your heart beats its last. I love you so much and I will never get tired reminding you how much I love you. You’re the most beautiful and I thank God for giving you to me, you’re the best thing in my life, and I hope you feel the same way._

Taeyong remembers the sob ripping out of him once Jaehyun was done saying his vow. The crowd’s gentle words of comfort gave him strength to recite his own vow, looking into the eyes of his future.

_Jaehyun, you’ve always been there for me and I know that I couldn’t be there for you sometimes, and it hurts to know that I couldn’t show you how much you mean to me. I want you to know that I’m sorry for the times I lost my patience and shouted at you, called you things I never meant. Today I will try my best to be the person you can trust and rely on, to be the first you will think of when you’re tired from work, the first person you will seek warmth from. I’ll be everything you deserve. I will take care of you and love you as much as you love me, probably more, because I know I can give you my whole heart the second you ask for it. You won’t have to sacrifice alone because I’ll be with you, we will survive challenges and I’ll be your strength as much as you are to me. Every day we will create memories we’ll take to our last breath, and I will give you the happiness you deserve to have. I love you, Jaehyun. I promise you my words on this day until the last._

It was perfect and the couple wouldn’t ask for more. They had everything – their family, their friends, and most importantly they had each other.

-

Taeyong remembers the mixed emotions in his chest when they first held their adopted son, Minhyung. Minhyung was the most adorable little fluff and the second they saw him sleeping in a crib, they knew he would be the perfect son for them.

Minhyung is a sweet child. He grew up with good manners and is always clinging to his parents, always wanting to be hugged and cuddled. Taeyong remembers when Minhyung was still a baby, barely a year old and the married couple would lose their sleep just to calm the crying boy in the middle of the night. Jaehyun would playfully complain that he couldn’t have his loving time with Taeyong, and would laugh when Taeyong scolded him because _hey, you shouldn’t say things like that! Minhyung can hear you!_

When Minhyung’s first day in school came, Taeyong was unavailable. His boss called him and required him to go to work because a co-worker called in sick and Taeyong was the only one who knew how to do the job. Minhyung didn’t cry. He’s a strong boy, Taeyong knew it. Jaehyun volunteered to send their son off since it was his free day.

The family ended up going to the mall when Taeyong got home from work. He wanted to make it up to their son for missing his first day in school. Minhyung said it was fine, that he wasn’t sad since he made friends and played with them on the slide. Taeyong remembers feeling worried because he couldn’t watch over Minhyung and Jaehyun assured him that nothing bad would happen. Minhyung might get hurt while playing but it was a part of growing up, and that Minhyung would eventually have to learn to take care of himself even in simple ways. Taeyong was the worried parent and it was Jaehyun who used to assure him things were fine.

 

The first big fight happened when Taeyong was at work and it was Jaehyun’s turn to pick up Minhyung from school. Jaehyun was invited by his co-workers to drink and completely forgot about his task. Taeyong was on the way home when he received a call from Jaehyun that made him feel like his insides dropped.

“What do you mean Minhyung is gone?! What did you do?!” Taeyong hung up without letting Jaehyun answer him and told the driver to bring him to Minhyung’s school. It was already close and he ran around, calling his son’s name.

Taeyong was panicking. He can’t afford to lose his only son. He would die if he wouldn’t be able to find Minhyung. There were tears blurring his vision and his lungs were burning. His legs wanted to give up from running here and there. Taeyong was shaking and was close to throwing up when heard a sniffle coming from the corner of a small alley.

His heart broke when he found his son curled up, shivering and with dirt on his face. Taeyong remembers crying with his son, rocking side to side as he cuddled up the trembling boy who was still in his uniform.

“Don’t be scared, baby. Papa’s hear now. I’m so sorry, baby. Please stop crying.”

They reported the incident to the police. A man was seen in the CCTV lurking around the area and approaching Minhyung. There were no school personnel around and it was revealed that the man pretended to be the couple’s friend so he could take the boy away. He will be sued for attempted kidnapping.

Taeyong remembers the screaming when they finally returned. He made sure Minhyung was in his room while he screamed at Jaehyun, hurling his disappointment and anger at his husband for being irresponsible.

“Your friends are more important than our son, huh? That you forgot you had a kid to pick up? We almost lost our only son, Jaehyun! Why are you like this?!”

“Taeyong, I said I’m sorry! I forgot, okay? I had so much shit on my shoulders because my boss dumped a fuckton of workload on me, I wanted to drink the stress away and I’m sorry I was careless, I’m sorry I was selfish, I’m sorry I fucked up so bad. I’m sorry, Taeyong, please.”

Taeyong angrily wiped away his tears and picked up his bag. “It seems like Minhyung is nothing but a disturbance to your escapades. Keep your apology and I hope you sleep in peace knowing the worst could’ve happened to your child because you’re fucking selfish.”

 

 

Minhyung couldn’t take the eerie silence between his parents the next morning so he did what he thought could help.

Taeyong felt a tug on his pants and glanced down to see his son pouting up at him. “Hey, baby, what’s wrong? Is your tummy hurting?”

“No, papa. But daddy is hurting and he wants you to kiss the booboo away.” Minhyung pointed at Jaehyun who had a look of surprise on his face, obviously clueless of the boy’s little plan.

Taeyong knew that Minhyung was sad because of it and since it hurt him just as much and he felt guilty for being too harsh on his husband, he sighed and approached Jaehyun, giving a kiss on the other’s forehead.

“I’m sorry, love. I was so mad and worried about our son, I didn’t mean to be so harsh on you…”

Jaehyun brought his husband to his lap and kissed the thin pair of lips. “I’m sorry too, Yong. And I’m sorry, buddy. I love you both.”

Minhyung happily joined in the group hug, getting squished in the middle.

-

Taeyong only wants a happy life with his family, but he thinks nothing can be perfect.

Taeyong remembers when things started to go downhill. Due to the demand of their work, the couple barely found time to have a date or to simply go out to enjoy themselves. Taeyong tried to balance his schedule and ask Jaehyun out but every time he did, the other wouldn’t be available and reason that he had deadlines to catch up on. Taeyong understood. Jaehyun had nothing to explain because that’s life, they have to earn so they could provide for every day and prepare for Minhyung’s future.

Never did he once question the lack of affection as days passed. Jaehyun would come home late at night, missing dinner and go straight to bed, not even kissing Taeyong like how he used to. When he did, it was chaste and quick, as if Taeyong felt nothing. Taeyong felt his heart break piece by piece but he understood Jaehyun. His husband is tired and he deserves some rest.

He doesn’t let the ugly thought that wants to claw its way inside his head.

Until one night, it just welcomed itself in.

 

 

There’s a hint of perfume that isn’t Jaehyun’s and smelt like a woman’s glued on his husband’s button down shirt. Taeyong feels his eyes sting. His heart beats like crazy and he wants to wake his husband up and ask because maybe he’s wrong, maybe nothing is happening, maybe he’s just being paranoid. But Taeyong is being denied of affection, of kisses and hugs and lovemaking that he can’t help but let the ugly thought feast on him.

Taeyong remembers Jaehyun’s vow. He puts the shirt in the washing machine and waits for it to get clean while tears run down his face, quiet cries escaping his lips.

 

 

It happens not just once, not just twice, and Taeyong can’t keep up anymore. Jaehyun misses family bonding time and sleeps with his back facing Taeyong. Jaehyun doesn’t call after work and doesn’t message Taeyong anymore about how he misses the other’s presence. Jaehyun doesn’t touch him anymore and it feels like Taeyong’s alone in bed whenever he wakes up because the other side is cold by the time his alarm rings and Jaehyun is out, no more good morning greetings and breakfast together.

Taeyong is scared of asking. Taeyong is scared of not trusting his husband enough, scared of doubting Jaehyun, scared of being wrong and scared of being right. There’s the red flag in front of him and the signs are screaming but he’s scared of everything being correct, he’s scared of his marriage failing, he’s scared of the thought of his family breaking up, he’s scared of the possibility that he failed as a husband. He’s scared of knowing it’s his fault.

Jaehyun comes home and doesn’t go to the kitchen anymore to check if Taeyong made dinner. Taeyong always makes dinner. Taeyong sits at the table with untouched food laid in front of him. Minhyung is already sleeping and Taeyong is glad because the boy is smart, he knows what’s going on with a simple observation. He doesn’t want to break his son’s heart.

Jaehyun makes the mistake of leaving his phone on the nightstand when he went to shower. Taeyong unlocks it with shaky hands and browses through Jaehyun’s messages and call history. The recent number he called is the same on the messages with _see you tomorrow baby, can’t wait to have a date again, and a few I loves you’s._

Taeyong lets out a breath he’s been holding and puts the phone down before going back to the kitchen. It was all the confirmation he needed. He’s actually surprised at himself for not breaking down and throwing the biggest fit. He’s calm and his heart isn’t trying to break out his ribcage.

Maybe it’s the constant, every day thought of Jaehyun possibly cheating on him that helped him deal with it calmly. Taeyong wants to talk to Jaehyun. But what happens if he does? Will Jaehyun admit it and ask for forgiveness? Will Jaehyun come back to him or will he finally have the freedom he wants and leave Taeyong and Minhyung? Taeyong is afraid of it, he’s afraid of being left alone that he decides it’s okay to pretend not knowing anything than letting Jaehyun go.

 

***

 

Taeyong finds himself once again sitting at the table with untouched food in front of him. He likes eating with Jaehyun and Jaehyun hates eating alone. It’s been like that even when they we’re still boyfriends.

Jaehyun enters and puts a pile of folders on the table, taking a seat across Taeyong and starts reviewing papers. Taeyong sighs and starts to feed himself when his stomach screams in pain. He’s been skipping meals and losing sleep and the pain is manifesting physically.

“Did you eat already? If you’re hungry, I can heat up the food.”

“I ate outside but thank you for asking.” Jaehyun doesn’t take his eyes away from the papers. Taeyong nods and keeps quiet for a moment to eat at least three more spoonful.

“How’s work? You’ve been…coming home late. I’m worried about – “

Taeyong jumps in his seat when Jaehyun slams the folder down and throws the most intense glare at him, an ugly frown etched on his face.

“Can’t you see I’m busy? Why do you keep talking? Why do you keep asking questions when you know the answer already? Are you fucking with me, Taeyong?”

Taeyong feels his throat tighten and his eyes sting. He can’t cry now, he can’t let Jaehyun know that he _knows_. He clears his throat and tries his best not to sound broken as he stands up to clean the table.

“I’m sorry, I was just worried.”

“Well you’re worrying about nothing.” Jaehyun scoffs and resumes his work. Taeyong dumps the food and starts washing the utensils.

“And stop cooking a lot. You’re just wasting your time waiting for me.”

 

 

Taeyong never noticed until Ten, a mutual friend points it out when they had lunch together.

“Are you okay? You look sick. You’re stick thin, Taeyong.” Taeyong stops poking his food and meets his friend’s worried gaze.

“Is everything okay, Tae? Are things okay at home? You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Taeyong forgets about playing with his food as he breaks down in front of Ten and lets someone else know for the first time.

He begged Ten not to tell anyone. Ten was fuming, he can’t believe the things he heard. His friend is obviously suffering but Taeyong refuses to get help, to get out of his toxic marriage. _Things will get worse and Minhyung will eventually know, Taeyong. Think about the two of you._ But Taeyong reasons that things will get better, Jaehyun will realize his mistake and come back to them.

Ten freaks out when Taeyong coughs out blood in between sobs. Taeyong doesn’t want to go but Ten manages to drag the other to the nearest hospital for a check-up.

There’s a series of tests that he tells Ten are nothing to worry about. He bets his acting is good enough to make his friend believe his apparent lies.

Taeyong comes home with another secret to keep.

 

 

Jaehyun fails to hear the ringing of his phone and Taeyong is too late. Minhyung curiously answers the call and runs to his father when Jaehyun comes out of the bathroom.

“Daddy, someone is calling you! Said she is your girlfriend! What is a girlfriend, daddy?”

Taeyong drops the plate he’s holding and it breaks into pieces on the floor. Minhyung gasps in surprise and tries to help his papa but Taeyong shoos him away, telling the boy it’s dangerous and he might cut himself. Minhyung walks away with a pout.

Taeyong is quiet while he sweeps the floor free of shards. When he finishes, he takes out another plate and fills it with the food he made.

“Lunch is ready, let’s eat now.”

Jaehyun is stiff as he takes his seat and watches Taeyong closely. He’s sure that Taeyong heard it clearly but why isn’t the other saying anything? Isn’t he mad?

Taeyong acts like nothing happened and jokes around with their son. The lunch seemed fine, expect for Jaehyun’s obvious discomfort. Taeyong almost laughs. What is Jaehyun feeling awkward about when Taeyong’s the one keeping quiet while his husband shags a woman?

“Minhyung, if you have homework, wait for papa in your room and we’ll do it together, okay? I’ll just clean up here.”

Minhyung cutely salutes and runs to his room, leaving the couple alone.

“Taeyong.”

He doesn’t respond and continues washing the dishes.

“Taeyong, let me ex – “

“I know everything, Jaehyun. You have nothing to explain to me.”

Taeyong senses the other’s presence just behind him and he turns around to see Jaehyun with an unreadable look. He misses reading his husband like an open book, but now he’s just nothing but a vessel of sins to be kept hidden.

“Why didn’t you say anything? You know I’m seeing someone, you knew all along.”

“You don’t need to remind me that I lost you, Jaehyun. It’s okay, I understand. I know I’m not enough.”

“Don’t say that, Taeyong. You’ve been go – “

Taeyong smiles. “Please, Jaehyun. Spare me the lies. I said it’s okay.”

“I can’t promise you anything, Taeyong. I’m not coming back to you.”

His heart drops and breaks into pieces, but no one will pick them up. It's too broken to be fixed and no one is willing to put it back together. 

“I’m just thankful you still come home to us, Jae. Because it will be really hard to tell our son if you decide to leave and break Minhyung’s heart as much as you broke mine.”

 

 

Nothing much changes after that. Jaehyun still does what he does yet is more careful around his husband. Minhyung thankfully forgot about the call and doesn’t ask again. Taeyong continues on in his misery and even worse when Jaehyun decides he abhors sleeping next to him.

Taeyong misses Jaehyun’s warmth, misses the kisses placed on his forehead before Jaehyun whispers good night, misses the arm tightly wrapped around his waist caging him in an embrace. Taeyong misses everything about Jaehyun and he wishes they stayed the way they were but things happened and he wonders what went wrong. He didn’t ask his husband if it really is his fault that Jaehyun got bored because he’s scared of the things he will hear. He doesn’t need more venom from his husband’s mouth that used to map kisses over his skin and declare love in his ear.

 

The living room is dark as Taeyong goes out of ~~their~~  his room to drink water. It’s a little past 2 am and Jaehyun’s curled up sleeping on the couch. It must be uncomfortable and Taeyong’s chest constricts, he wants to wake up the other and ask him to go back to bed but he knows Jaehyun won’t budge.

He drinks a glass of water and walks up to the couch before sitting on the floor to watch Jaehyun sleep. His breathing is stable and his nose scrunches a little. Taeyong smiles at the sight – it’s Jaehyun’s adorable habit when sleeping. Taeyong remembers teasing the other by scrunching his nose and Jaehyun would just grin before pulling Taeyong in a hug.

“Hey, I miss you.”

He whispers into the darkness and Taeyong covers his mouth as sobs threaten to disturb the quietness of the night. He misses Jaehyun so _fucking_ much but this is the only thing he can do to keep the other by his side, to keep Jaehyun from breaking the rest of his vow.

“When I’m gone, I… I want you to love her like how you used to love me. I don’t want another person to hurt the way I do, Jaehyun. Promise me. “

Taeyong misses the set of glassy eyes and a hand stretched out to reach out for him when he goes back to bed.

 

 ***

 

Ara cancels the date on the last minute and Jaehyun comes home dejected. It’s their third month together and he was planning to take her out for dinner. The television is on when he enters and Minhyung is on the floor doing what’s probably his homework.

“Hi, daddy!”

Jaehyun takes the boy in his arms and kisses his cheek. He notices the lack of another presence and sighs. “Where’s papa?”

“He said he feels sick, daddy. But papa has been in the bathroom for soooooo long, and he’s not coming out. He hasn’t cooked yet, I’m hungry.” Minhyung pouts and goes back to his homework.

Jaehyun frowns at what he’s been told and goes to knock on the bathroom door.

“Taeyong? You okay in there?”

No response. Jaehyun knocks again.

“Taeyong. Minhyung hasn’t eaten yet, what are you doing?”

Jaehyun receives no response again and for some reason his heart ricochets against his chest and he barges in, not caring if he finds Taeyong in an embarrassing situation – only to find his husband on the floor, unconscious and with blood decorating his mouth.

-

Jaehyun stares at the white walls of the hospital as he rewinds in his mind everything that has happened prior. Everything, from meeting Taeyong at the pet shop, to dating him, to proposing and marrying him and until now. He remembers most the day of their wedding and how happy Taeyong was despite the tears continuously flowing down his face. Even when he’s crying, Taeyong is the most beautiful Jaehyun has seen. No secret affair can ever be more beautiful than Taeyong – from his perfectly sculpted face to his lovely personality and cute antics that made Jaehyun fall for him.

Jaehyun gave in to the temptation and tasted something that Taeyong isn’t – imperfection. Taeyong is so perfect that Jaehyun got used to it and wanted something new, something _cheap._ He has no one to blame but himself, he got so busy with messing around and thinking about his own pleasure that he never noticed how his husband was suffering alone.

“Daddy, is papa going to be okay?” The little boy curls up to his side and buries his small face on Jaehyun's arm. The people in white are scaring him, he said.

“He’s going to be okay, buddy. Don’t worry, your papa is strong. He’s the strongest person I know.”

The doctor finally lets them enter the room where Taeyong is and Jaehyun fights the whimper bubbling in his throat when he sees his husband’s state. Taeyong is so pale and so thin; the dark circles are so evident under his eyes and his cheeks sunken.

_When did he start thinking Taeyong didn’t exist? When did he stop caring?_

Minhyung sits on a small chair as Jaehyun holds Taeyong’s hand and presses the bony fingers against his cheek.

“I’m sorry, love. I’m so sorry. Taeyong, please don’t leave me.”

Jaehyun doesn’t stop himself from crying and ignores Minhyung’s worried eyes as he keeps calling out to Taeyong who won’t hear his pleas, his beg of forgiveness.

“Taeyong, come back to me, please. I’ll make it up to you, I’m sorry, please wake up. I’m leaving her, baby, please. Don’t go, Tae.”

Isn’t this what Taeyong wishes and prays for at night - for Jaehyun to come back to him? Jaehyun almost laughs in between his sobs at karma taking a U-turn. What goes around truly comes around and he’s the one being tormented for the short-termed distraction he indulged himself in.

 

***

 

“Are you ready, Minhyung? Let’s go see papa! He’s waiting!” Jaehyun finds the boy wearing his shoes and chuckles at the sight. Minhyung refuses his daddy’s offer to help him tie his shoes and Jaehyun waits at the front door, only locking up when Minhyung goes out and they get inside the car.

“I wanna see papa! Do you think he’s excited to see me?” Minhyung bounces on his seat and Jaehyun gently scolds him, telling him to behave.

“Of course, baby. Now don’t move around too much or I’ll tell papa and he won’t be happy.”

Jaehyun continues to drive ‘til they get to their destination. Minhyung quickly holds his daddy’s hand once they’re out of the vehicle and skips in excitement until they stop by a gravestone.

“Hi, papa! We’re here again!” Minhyung puts down the flowers and sits on his heels. “I miss you so much, papa. Daddy said you’re happy and singing with the angels, right?” Minhyung looks up at his father and grins before looking at Taeyong’s gravestone again. “I’m doing well in school! I got a medal and daddy went up on stage to put it on me. Are you proud?”

Jaehyun finally sits down and hugs Minhyung close to him. “Papa is proud of you, Minhyung. He’s always watching you so he knows you’re the star in your class.”

“Is he watching you too, daddy?”

Jaehyun smiles and runs his fingers over Taeyong’s name carved on the stone.

“I’m sure he is.”

_I’m sorry for breaking my promises, Taeyong. I know you’ve forgiven me before you left, but I’m going to say it again. I’m sorry, and I love you, please believe me again. I’ll be making new memories with Minhyung now and it’s sad you’re not around. But you will always be a part of us. I miss you, Tae. Please wait for me._

**Author's Note:**

> If you reach the end, thanks a lot! >.< I hope you're not.....mad.


End file.
